The Astoria Party
Now, on to us:
Michelle as seen by emily:
“shes the kind of roomate who doesnt care when she finds out you go in to her room to read when shes not home. She sleeps a lot, and she looks good. Sometimes she brings home chips, those are good days. Sometimes she eats all my ice cream and hides the container under the couch, bad days”
Emily as seen by Michelle:
“Lover of giant penis’s. smeller of clothes. This girl has got it going on.”
* do not have pets, or bugs
* do not be unemployed
* do not not do dishes
* do not bring a hutch
* do not leave us in six months for a job in chicago… ahem.. previous owner of grand daddy
* do not get married and expect us to adjust
* do not pretend to be cool when we look through all the papers in your room and know youre on probation and use a weird contraceptive gel.
* do not use the condoms on the dining room table
* do not expect your food/juice to stay around
* enjoy cheese
And given that it was an apt. in Astoria, and certain to be entertaining, I responded. They had gotten over 4000 responders and had yet to figured out it was because they had been linked to on Gawker. They sent this email:
due to overwhelming response we have come to the conclusion that a potluck is necessary.
please bring a vegetarian or nonvegetarian dish to
its about a mile from the train, get used to it. its a douzie in the winter.
during said potluckathon you will meet:
1. the bedrooms
2. the other rooms
5. zach and bekah of the grand daddy
6. maybe james from the charmer if he comes home
7. maybe our landlord, douglas. he’s asian, don’t be alarmed.
we will have question and answer period, and perhaps a dress up contest.
if you got this email, it means during our email discussion on gmail chat we decided you were at least ok. if you sent two emails to trick us and only one of them got this return email, then haha.
ok, let me know if you have any questions. please don’t email me back if you’re coming, or email me with anything that will annoy me because im sick of reading these things. only if its important.
peace love and potluck,
ps. if someone brings nametags, that’d be great.
We went. The girls are in the picture below. It was ridiculous indeed. It was something that you had to be there for, and it’s hard to describe, but I was totally entertained and their ad reflected their personalities quite well. I showed up with my roommates, and other than one interested guy wearing glitter sequined teal t-shirts (that I thought was homeless), the only other people there were a few friends and the roommates. Eventually one other person showed up but after taking in the situation, realized she would not be a good fit and left.
There was a lot of drinking (they keep pasta sauce right on top of their ice cube trays in ziploc bags, which is why the ice tasted funny), and the girls laughed a lot and rolled around on the floor. They had met each other six years ago at a halloween party that they had both attended dressed up as prostitutes, Emily going as far as to paint dried semen on her face, a moment captured on camera and displayed with pride. The apartment was nice but very far from the subway, and decorated with daddy’s money, I had assumed.
During this picture each were strumming the guitar (that the glitter boy brought) and singing about past exploits. Then they brought out “Apples to Apples” and tried to get the group to play.
I had drank my vodka, ate their baked ziti, and thought it was time to leave as “Apples to Apples” turns out to be an entirely subjective game. The entire time they were going 200 miles an hour the whole time. I think the glitter guy was enamored and ready to move in that night, but the girls’ final requirement for the applicant was, “we want a roommate that doesn’t want to sleep with us” and I wasn’t sure if he fit the bill.
[video update: http://www.peterwknox.com/post/16829618]
A Reader’s Toolbox
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