Email Conversation
I NEVER FUCKING WOULD HAVE EXPECTED YOU TO BECOME A HIPSTER (A.K.A New age Hippie). After reading your blog through at least the middle of November a few nights ago, I realized exactly how much you’ve changed over the last two years. Becoming an integral part of the blogging community? Becoming famous because you networked yourself in with other internet famers? I’m not saying any of that is a bad thing really, just odd. I’m sure we’ll talk with this more when I get to see you again… it’s just that your blog, while I know it’s you because of the writing style, still feels almost like it’s a different Peter Knox than the one I knew (possibly due to the extreme lack of sexual talk, where is all that!?).
This hipster thing I find troubling. That is not to say I don’t at times secretly wish I had reinvented myself as a Brooklyn/Williamsburg hipster with skinny jeans, shaggy hair, and a Macbook, but am decidedly not a hipster despite the obvious appeal of being thin, creative, and tuned in. However, yes, I have stumbled upon this Tumblr community where everyone “reblogs” other people’s posts, sees all new friend updates on an interactive rss page called the “dashboard”, and finds satisfaction in contributing positively to the content of others.
But this should not surprise you. As someone with the internal mind of a writer, I need an outlet for my words and original content. The iPhone has enabled me to keep an electronic daily diary to share with strangers and others alike, so that you’re kept abreast of my life and I have a digital record to rehash now and then. But as a writer at heart all I want is attention - always have, always will. So when I see my words quoted and republished on someone else’s page, my ego is fed and my work is validated. I’ve combined letters to give them meaning! And they meant something to this person!
It’s the most immediate and direct publishing method available, giving satisfaction time and time again. I think, I type, and I can see/share the result. I read my own site more than is healthy - rereading words, making edits, and savoring the experience of both thinking and seeing my internal monologue become public. And being a part of the New York blogging/tumblr world means a lot to me - I probably wouldn’t be doing this back at home - but checking my site traffic everyday keeps me motivated. They’re depending on me. For original content, for little distractions, for expanding their mind, and servicey events. Who knows? And that’s what keeps me going, trying to give readers what they want before they know they want it.
I consume so much media, the least I can do is to filter out the really cool stuff that matters to me and store it on my site for the benefit of me and my readers. And yes, internet famous feels good, if just for a few hours and a few more visitors. But it’s hard to quantify and even harder to explain. My little distraction from my own life, strangely, is to lay it all out there and share it.
And finally, yes, the voice and content might not read much like the emails you’ve gotten from me in the past (most notably lacking in various personal and sexual exploits), but you have to realize I’m in front of a very wide audience and while I believe and trade in transparency, I must respect that all involved parties wouldn’t appreciate the same exposure I’m inviting by posting, so therefore most won’t exist as public characters. Well, that, and that since this site has gone up I’ve been pretty much exploit free…must be a coincidence. But trust that I’m not holding back in my personal life - that’s another post in itself.