It’s been my experience in life that, while men are more likely to bitch about the institution of marriage, it’s WOMEN who more often end up regretting getting hitched.

It’s practically a ritual these days to be skeptical about marriage if you’re a guy. You hear comedians and columnists and God knows who else bitching about being tied to one woman, yearning to be free to drink and ogle ass as they please. Almost all of that is an exaggeration. I may goof on being married from time to time, but I’d rather be chopped in half with a machete than NOT be married to my wife. That would be horrible and shitty.

But women. How many women do you know that rushed into getting married because all their friends were all getting married at the same time, only to later find out that their husband is actually kind of a dipshit? Because all guys are conditioned to be skeptical about marriage, because we’re trained to be reluctant about the whole enterprise, we’re 21% choosier about whom we end up marrying. I just made that stat up. It felt right. All of my wife’s friends are married. Only half of mine are. Sure, I only have two friends, but I’m not letting that stand in the way of my gross generalization.