As Long as there’s Women…

There’s this joke/quote I read a few years ago that stuck with me:

Women are the number one reason I’m not gay.

First off, thank you (women) for that. We men can be disgusting and I’m so very glad there’s another option here. But what an option it can be!

I realized this morning, hardly for the first time (today, even), just how much I LOVE women. I love the way they look, the way they sound, the way they talk, the way they feel, the way they act, they way they think, the way they move, the way they taste, the way they smell, and most importantly, the way they make ME feel.

Yes, I’m that selfish, self-serving, and self-centered (if you’ve seen my site before, this is no surprise) that my favorite thing about women is the effect they have on me. Women are the strongest drug available, anywhere, and I live in a city with four million of them - some of the most beautiful, most intelligent, most ambitious, and incredible ones alive in the world.

I have never had a higher high or a lower low at the expense of anything else. With a single glance, a simple touch, or a spoken word my world changes, taking flight or crash landing (maybe I am a little sensitive). And it’s always been that way for me.

Women steal and own my attention in ways video games never could. I love looking at them, reading about them, hearing about them, talking about them, and desperately trying to understand them. Much of the vast amount of content I’ve processed has had the underlying motivation of deciphering their behavior and thought processes in the hopes of being able to co-exist peacefully with them like I have always been able to do with my guy friends.

I think the biggest breakthrough in my development with girls came with the advent of AIM. In person, or on the phone, I speak fast and excitedly in hopes of saying everything I want to say before the person listening loses interest (some confidence I have), which doesn’t always go over well, especially when I chose the inappropriate awkward joke over the casual calm comment. But I’ve always been a man of letters, writing notes and mail to my female friends in lieu of a four hour phone call about nothing to speak of.

Finally I was able to interpret their instant message and labor over my response, thus developing a “conversation” I could control and enjoy without the in person awkwardness. It worked. I improved.

And when it finally happens you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing your gravestone won’t read “virgin” (every pimpled boy’s deepest fear) and you relax even a little bit more. But the beauty is that just like talking with girls or having sex with them, the more you can do both, the better each gets. And every girl is different and wonderful - a short story and a poem at the same time. Plus, just like the libraries I’ll never get to read, there are infinite variations of women, making you appreciate the ones that can appreciate you.

Aside from the combination of Dead Poets Society and a bottle of red wine, I can think of nothing else on this planet capable of making me feel so emotionally and physically high as a women I’ve been able to connect with, if for months or minutes.

And therefore I think it’s a good thing that I am so sensitive and vulnerable around women. (To borrow a phrase from this book) I’m the guy at the swanky rooftop pool party where girls are taking their tops off, thinking “HOLY SHIT, BOOBS”, and trying desperately to look cool about it. I’m never thinking about how badly burned I’m getting on a nude beach. And I prefer that to being indifferent to women. I like that I’m still thinking like an over eager adolescent in the bedroom. The second I stop feeling fascinated that “this is really happening right now” is the second I’d need rehab, and I never want to have to quit women.

Now there might not be a big possibility that that woman will sleep with you, but there’s no chance she will if you’re dead. That’s your reason to get up in the morning - possibility.