Old Guys & Young Girls: I Hate You
[an unprovoked off-topic rant by yours truly, seemingly influenced by my mexico trip where I stayed at an all-inclusive resort that seemed to cater to old gross europeanmen and their twenty something blonde bombshells]
What is the deal with girls and older men?
Now stay with me here…you’re in the early stages of just starting to date and get serious with a girl when the “ex-boyfriends” thing comes up. And you learn that she’s “really only dated older guys in the past” or her most recent ex was almost twice her age or that she “has just always had a thing for guys much older” than her. Well then, awesome.
The thing is, I GET older guys wanting young girls. There is no secret that women are usually at their most attractive stage in life just before, during, and just after their twenties, therefore IT MAKES SENSE to me that older guys would want the eagerness, sex, interest, virility, energy, passion, and excitement inherent in these sexpots of youth. Girls not yet jaded by years of sex with the same person, not cynical to the point of dull sexless relationships, still interested and eager in the act itself. Stuff you don’t necessarily get with another 50 yr old woman. Hats off to you gentlemen perpetually reliving and enjoying young hot women.
But girls, women, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? I have the hardest time conceiving what woman in their right mind wants to date someone twice their age. When you’re 17, does that 35 yr old really beat out that twenty year old in terms of datability? The lolita factor just freaks me out no matter what the law allows. And when I try, and I do, to understand, it really comes down to trading your body for something you want and can’t get from someone your own age.
Is it money? Yes, older men typically have more. Is it experience? By nature, older men have a monopoly on such. Is it for your career? For a big house? Fancy trips and travel? Diamonds and luxury items? Hot tickets and open doors? Bottle service and spa trips? Everything seems centered around the “older men have more money and resources to spend on the young girls in exchange for their sex and company” theory.
Sure, with Viagra, these guys can still fuck. Heck, they might do it better too. Also, as I know a few guys older than me, they have a lot of stories, life experience, and memories to share and impart. They certainly are more mature (generalization) and as women mature faster than men, I can give you a couple years there too. Also I’m not discounting the realistic possibility where an old guy calls you over to his table and engages you in conversation where a mutual attraction that manifests itself into emotional and physical love is born, but why not look for someone that won’t need to be cared for while you’re still not even 50?
“I love him, I really do.” But, how can anyone take that seriously? Is love and marriage really at the state where we can openly admit that women will trade away their bodies for money and wealth they wouldn’t have had if they dated within their own generation of peers? Does marriage mean anything any more? When I’m kissing someone I know I’m not attracted to, I hate it and hate myself. Is resenting the other person worth having a yacht in the Hamptons?
Now, obviously I’m biased here. Older men are taking away from my dating pool. I can date down six years, legally hitting on 18 year olds, but I’d have to be crazy to want to put up with all that entails. My problem is that my target demographic is dating up with established men in their late twenties and thirties. Any datable girl I meet is most likely to have more money than I do (almost certainly if they have a job) and I’m not sure I compete against the status and privilege that comes with age, maturity, and a larger 401K.
But is it just about money? Can leathery saggy skin and old man smell really be what attracts the models in this Manhattan Model of Dating? Has your girlfriend dated someone 15 years older? What it really comes down to is trying to see a pattern in the men she’s dated before you and justify why she’s with you now and no longer with those other guys, but at the same time attempting to understand her tastes in men (to protect your relationship in the future). And I don’t like thinking I have much, if anything, in common with men much older than myself and that’s what’s frightening.
I can’t blame the older guys (heck, if you’ve got money and want to screw around, why not take the best you can get) but I can blame the women my age for encouraging them and allowing this cycle to continue. But really, I’m just sick and tired of seeing female friends going out with guys that could have taught me in elementary school.
Can you love them for their minds the same way they love you for your body? Sometimes I feel like I’m taking crazy pills while the older men take blue pills and dip into the millennial dating pool and the leftover twenty something sausage fest that I find myself in bothers me.
UPDATE: This is great - I’m getting reactions and feedback, keep it coming. I don’t want you to confuse my own personal issues and successes/failures with women, I’m just trying to figure out this older men/younger women phenomenon that has long eluded me. I have no delusions that I’m sometimes guilty of being immature, inexperienced, disinterested, selfish, cheap, greedy, and indecisive (as if this post wasn’t evidence enough) in ways that the older men (I comment on in this post) aren’t and perhaps that’s why women have figured this out and moved up a decade.
Also, please, this is a blog post and a column meant to provoke, stir up controversy, and hopefully settle into solid debate giving way to new perspectives and answers. You’ll notice I don’t attack anyone here and by expressing my admittedly narrow-minded opinion I hope to understand things better. Isn’t that what we should all be doing here? As Thompson said, “If everyone agreed with me or liked me, I’d be very worried.”
For me it’s not all about looks. That’s why I’m being judgemental about the men and women that play that game. Obviously some choose to trade on appearance alone, and that’s OK, it’s just not for me.
UPDATED MORE:
My poorly explained unresearched thesis here was that I didn’t understand why this thing happens all the time. You responded. The results are in…
Well, common consensus is that I AM THE REASON women don’t date people my age. Awesome. Well, this is a nice feeling. In related news, I’ll grow up a whole year in one week for my birthday. Don’t bother thanking me.
FINAL UPDATE:
Well, you can see for yourself what happened here. Things got a little out of hand when my observational/op-ed column/post ignited an internet firestorm with everyone taking things rather personally. I’m sorry for anyone I offended as it was my intention to merely try to understand these things. And for me, I understand by writing and getting feedback.
Well, feedback I got. Thank you to everyone who got that I wasn’t writing about myself or lamenting the emptiness that is my life sans girlfriend. And that nor was I attacking anyone that chose to date out of their immediate peer group or insinuating that they were wrong for doing so. And finally, that this wasn’t about putting down or marginalizing entire genders and age groups nor that this was about gold-diggers (notice this is the first time I used such a phrase), prostitution, dirty old men, lolitas, or women that have rejected or ignored me.
Thanks to everyone that took the time to leave a comment, email me their opinion, or back me up. I wrote something that many took personally, took out of context, and attacked me for, but I’m leaving it here untouched because all I wanted to do was use that picture of Larry David. For those of you than want to see the humor in all of this, watch my video - my final “word” on this subject.